For one reason or another, you can't be near your spouse right now.
Maybe you - or your spouse - are away on business. Or, at a conference or something related to your education. Maybe a relative is sick, and you want to show your support with a visit. Personally, I'm just returning from an international missions trip.
Other times, the time apart can last much longer. For example, when someone is deployed for military service, or, medical training takes you to a new location.
While these commitments can be enjoyable and necessary, they can also come with a serious cost to our relationships, especially if we're married, or in a serious relationship. In a surprisingly short time, we can become seriously disconnected.
In all honesty, enjoying one-flesh intimacy (Genesis 2:24) with our spouse can be difficult even when we see each other everyday, let alone have to spend significant time apart.
If we're not careful, we can slowly drift apart or even fall into temptation.
This isn't exhaustive, but here are 9 ways we can keep our relationship strong and fresh even while we're apart.
9 Ways To Stay Connected To Your Spouse While You're Apart
1. Stay connected to God.
More than tips, tricks or hacks, staying connected to our spouse starts with staying connected to God who put us together in the first place. 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.' (Matthew 22:37-38
) Reading our bible, talking to God in prayer, and simply living in his presence can have a powerful, if not always obvious, impact on our relationship with our spouse while we're away.
2. Determine to think about your spouse regularly.
When we're away, our days are usually full. Or, emotionally exhausting. Sometimes, both. And that's fine, but it can feel like there's nothing left for our spouse back home. But that's not true. We can lean into God, ask him for strength, and intentionally think about our spouse. Out of sight doesn't have to mean out of mind.
3. Establish smart safeguards.
Many hotels offer in-room pornography because it's a huge money-maker for them. If it's going to be a temptation, you can stay at a hotel that doesn't offer it, or ask them to turn off the channels in your room ahead of time. Also, be wise about the amount of time you spend with members of the opposite sex, understanding that platonic relationships can go places you don't intend them to. Our goal: not even a hint of sexual immorality (Ephesians 5:3).
4. Bring - or leave - reminders of your love.
When I opened up my suitcase on my missions trip, I found a small note - and two chocolates - from my wife. It wasn't a novella, but she let me know that, even when I was away, she would be thinking about me. That meant the world to me, and helped us stay connected. Along similar lines, we can take a moment to leave a note (or other surprise) for our spouse before we leave. Be creative!
5. Prepare to make the extra effort.
This is really number two, part two. Busy schedules, fatigue and different time zones can send us running for Netflix or whatever else is easiest. While we can't always have an extended phone call or Facetime, we can always find time to send a text. And, at least some days, fit in a phone call where we're truly present. It won't be easy, but it's always worth it.
6. Think about your spouse's life, not just your own.
When we travel, we have a freedom to focus that we normally don't at home. And that's a good thing, a gift from God. But if we're married, or in a serious relationship, we're still called to 'love our neighbor as ourselves' (Matthew 22:39). And our spouse is our most important neighbor. 
During my recent trip, I tried to look over what my wife had on her calendar for the day so that I could ask her about it when we spoke. Little things like that don't take a lot of time, and let our spouse know that we care.
7. Pray.
As we keep our spouse top-of-mind, we think about the pressures they're facing, and lift those up to God. (Parents with young kids, I'm looking at you.) Other times, we may take a portion of scripture we're reading and pray that for our spouse. Even when we're far away and can't do much, God is close to our spouse. The Apostle Paul often prayed for his churches when he couldn't be physically present, and viewed that as his greatest ministry (see Romans 1:8-10, for example). Same is true for us toward our spouse. (You can also pray with your spouse over the phone as a way to keep cultivating spiritual intimacy.)
8. Thank God specifically for your spouse.
Paul encourages us to focus on 'whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things' (Philippians 4:8). Even if it's not a great time in your relationship, there are always some things about your spouse that fit into these categories. What are they - specifically? You will feel closer to your spouse if you focus your attention here.
9. Picture your next time together.
Even if it's going to be awhile, try to imagine what it will be like to see your husband or wife again. As my trip started winding down, I started thinking about how great it would be to see Sharon again. Everything I love about her. And having time to catch up face-to-face. Thinking, in detail, about reconnecting can help us feel connected before it's actually possible.
The Bigger Picture
I know that not everything I shared will work for you, or, every relationship. And, quite honestly, it may feel easier to be apart than together for some of you. But if you're married, you and your spouse have already been joined together by God, and he wants your marriage to increasingly reflect his relationship with us through Christ (Ephesians 5:32-33).
When we're physically apart, that becomes much more challenging, so we have to lean into him and move toward our spouse however we can. With small, consistent effort while we're away, we will enjoy a deeper, more connected relationship with our spouse when we come together again.
Your Turn
Which of the ideas above would help you and your spouse stay connected when you can't be together? What other ideas do you have? Let us know in the comments below!
My husband is only home 2-4 nights per week. I have been guilty of the out of sight out of mind mentality. Then we he’s home it’s a hard shift for me to focus on him and his needs. Thanks to this insight from your article, I will start purposefully thinking about him more and visualizing what it will be like when he comes home. Thanks for the tips.
Hi Glenna, I can see why it would be very challenging to have your husband home only 2-4 nights each week. It can be hard to make a sudden shift when he returns when you have had to, by definition, live life without him for a time. My wife and I have experienced similar challenges when one of us returns from a trip, too.
I love the way you want to start doing what you can even while he’s away. So often, small consistent steps can really make a big difference, and I pray that this will be true for you and your husband. If you think of it, I’d love to hear how it goes after you’ve given it a shot.