If you're familiar with this site, you know my passion is to help Christians get ready for, and enjoy, healthy marriages. So, I'm always on the lookout for new resources that will help my readers on that journey. And, of course, I need help and encouragement in my own marriage, too.
Today, I want to recommend Your Marriage God's Way, a book by Scott Lapierre. I think you'll find it really helpful in strengthening your marriage.
My purpose here isn't to provide an exhaustive review - which you probably won't read anyway! - but rather to hit the highlights, and convince you it's worth a read. 
Your Marriage Is Worth Investing In
Before I dive in, though, I just want to say your marriage is worth investing in. I know you 'know' that, but if you're like me, it's so easy to just go on autopilot. To not put much effort into it, and just drift.
After all, we're all busy with work, kids, church and... life.
But that's how our marriages get crusty and stale. We need to be intentional, and part of that is taking the time to keep learning, and re-learning, what we already 'know'.
The other thing is that we don't need silver bullets, quick fixes or new marriage or relationship 'secrets'. It's not about a brilliant new insight, or some take on scripture we've never heard before.
To use a sports analogy, we don't need to hit a lot of home runs for our marriage to thrive. It's more about hitting a lot of singles and doubles. Normal, everyday things, done again and again, really add up to help our marriages thrive and sing.
So, listening to a podcast, reading a blog post, or something more substantial - like a book - is well worth our time. It's in that spirit I offer this recommendation for Scott's book.
And while I'm at it, let me add that Scott is a good friend. That's part of why I'm so happy to recommend his book. I've known him for a few years now, and I've seen his heart for God's people and marriages up close. He lives out what he writes in his own marriage and family, and I'm confident it will help your marriage, too.
Alright, let's take a closer look at Your Marriage God's Way.
Straight Outta Scripture
When you read the title Your Marriage God's Way, that might sound a bit arrogant at first. You might think, 'is the author saying there's only one way to do marriage from God's perspective?'
But the title isn't meant to be a straitjacket. Instead, Scott has mined scripture, and focused on what it says about marriage. In fact, I think you'd be hard-pressed to find a page without a scripture reference.
And this is what I love most about Your Marriage God's Way. While Scott naturally shares his viewpoint on what the bible teaches about marriage, his heart is to be faithful to what God actually says about it.
He makes that clear from the beginning: 'First, and of greatest importance, I am not asking you to trust me. Rather, I am inviting you to trust what God says in the Bible.' (review copy, page 10)
So many books on marriage sprinkle in scripture here and there, but this book is nearly the reverse. Yes, there are great stories from Scott's life and pastoral ministry mixed in throughout, but the focus is on God's Word, not on Scott or his opinions. That's worth a lot because God and what he says are of infinite worth. If there's one thing I want to build my life and marriage around, it's that.
Marriage Is Hard, Good Work
Another hallmark of Your Marriage God's Way - and Scott's ministry in general, really - is his willingness to be hopefully honest. He never pulls any punches about the need to work hard at our marriages. And he doesn't suggest that following the advice in his book will lead to sunshine and rainbows, either.
As one example, in a section where he calls us to embrace the struggles of marriage, Scott says this:
Likewise, if we want to improve our marriages, we need to expect some discomfort, struggles, and tension. We should not be alarmed because it’s as we deal with the difficulties that the healing process is able to take place and God is able to work in our hearts.
And what is the alternative? Simple. Close this book. Be lazy. Do not ask each other the difficult questions or have the tough conversations. Do not take your marriage seriously so that you can improve as a husband, a wife, or a Christian.
If you avoid discussing the biblical teachings in this book with your spouse, you will not have any tough issues to wrestle with, but you also won’t grow and your marriage won’t be strengthened. If you choose to avoid the discomfort now, you will more than likely experience even tougher and more painful situations later. (page 29)
But while Your Marriage God's Way never minces words, it's always laced with hope. Right after the above passage, he goes on to encourage couples, that the struggle is entirely worth it:
So I want to encourage you to embrace the struggles because of what they are going to produce. The apostle Paul tells us, “We...glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:3-4). Glory in the struggles you are having, knowing that they are producing good results as you, your spouse, and your marriage are refined! (page 29)
This is the balance we need: hopeful honesty. Honest, because life is hard, but hopeful because God and his promises meet us there and overcome every struggle, heartache and sin.
Addressing Touchy Topics With Biblical Sensitivity & Respect
One practical way this hopeful honesty comes out in the book is the way Scott tackles sensitive topics. On the one hand, he doesn't ignore difficult subjects, but he also reassures readers that scripture isn't simply parroting unbalanced cultural takes on those topics, eithers.
For example, roles in marriage can be touchy these days, at least in Western cultures. And yet, we have to wrestle with passages in scripture that speak into this area. Passages like Genesis 2:18, where God says, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.'
There's plenty of room for healthy debate here, but Scott does a nice job of addressing the idea of 'helper' from this verse.
Some women might find it offensive to be identified as their husband’s “helper,” but the title does not imply that Eve was insufficient in some way. Instead, the term “helper” identifies Adam’s inadequacy!
He then goes on to briefly survey the word 'helper' throughout scripture and concludes:
The very word used to describe a woman’s role is a title that describes God Himself! Because the identification of God as our helper does not make us think less of God, we should not let it think it diminishes a woman’s role as her husband’s helper. (page 58)
Scott also mentions how we shouldn't embrace gender stereotypes around helping or male and female roles, either.
In summary, readers will appreciate the way Scott doesn't shy away from hot button topics, but rather addresses them head-on with scripture, sensitivity and respect.
Your Marriage God's Way: A Quick Overview Of The Content
So far, I've outlined what I appreciate about the book. It:
- is thoroughly biblical
- addresses the harsh realities of marriage with hopeful honesty
- takes on sensitive topics with biblical sensitivity and respect
- has a warm, pastoral tone
But you may be wondering: What does the book actually cover? Fair question!
The book is divided into eight parts. Here's a quick overview:
Part 1: 2 Key Things We Must Understand About Marriage
In this section, Scott reminds us that our marriages reflect our relationship with Christ, and that our problems in marriage are therefore ultimately a symptom of what's happening there. From the work my wife and I do with couples, this is absolutely true.
Part 2: Creation Of Marriage & The Fall (Genesis 1-3)
Here, Scott looks at the way God created the first couple, and what that means for our marriages today. He discusses Adam's headship, what it means for Eve to be a 'helper', and how the fall affects husbands and wives.
Part 3: Understanding Love
In this brief section, Scott asks what love is, and focuses in on its characteristics.
Part 4: A Husband's Call To Love & A Wife's Call To Respect (Ephesians 5:25-33)
The title pretty much says it all, but Scott also talks about what it means for a husband to be spiritually strong, and, how couples can guard their marriage.
Part 5: Understanding Submission
This section is perhaps the prime example of how Scott takes on touchy topics directly, yet with kindness and a sensitivity toward our cultural moment. He explains what submission is not, notes that both husbands and wives are called to mutual submission (see Ephesians 5:21), and offers suggestions for how a wife can set her husband up to lead well.
Part 6: A Wife's Beauty & A Husband's Treatment (1 Peter 3:1-7)
In this section, Scott begins offering biblical advice for how spouses can handle marriages where they are married to either an unbeliever or spiritually immature believer. He also talks about power struggles in marriage, and what true beauty is, which is certainly important given our culture's struggles to see clearly in this area. Scott also addresses what headship and submission can look like in practice, and how husbands can practically treat their wives well.
Part 7: A Biblical View Of Intimacy (1 Corinthians 7:1-6)
Here Scott covers physical intimacy in marriage from a biblical perspective. He also addresses the pitfalls we run into (such as pornography and mismatched sex drives), and what we can do to overcome them.
Part 8: A Strong Foundation (Matthew 7:24-27)
In this final section, using Jesus' parable about two houses and two foundations, Scott reminds us that the only real foundation for our lives and marriages is Christ. When we are faithful and obedient, we will reap the rewards for our marriages, even if it doesn't seem like it in the moment.
Don't Skip The Workbook
If you're anything like me, you might pick up a book, love it, and promise yourself you're going to make some of the changes it recommends. But in practice, that's way harder than it seems. Busyness, laziness and spiritual resistance (warfare) get in the way.
Plus, sometimes we hate slowing down because it feels like the opposite of progress.
I'm not going to go on a rant here, but I want to encourage you to actually apply what you learn in Scott's (or any) book. To help with that, Scott has created a fantastic workbook that will help you personalize the content to your relationship. Do yourself a favor and order it with the book.
Hope For Our Marriages When We're Stuck
If you're married long enough, you will hit hard times. Not only as things come at you from outside your marriage, but from within, too. I have a bunch of friends who are experiencing that right now, and they're understandably tired. And to be honest, my wife and I are just coming out of one of those seasons, too.
When we're weighed down, it's so easy to practically lose any real sense of hope in our marriages. Without (usually) realizing it, we look at our lives, and our lack of ability to change them, and stop hoping things will ever improve.
We start to create a closed system where God and hope are on the outside looking in.
In the book's final passage, Scott reminds us we always have hope for our marriages because we have access to God and his power through prayer. And not only our prayers to God, but his for all-powerful prayers for us and our marriages.
As I wrote this book, I prayed repeatedly for everyone who would read these chapters. I will continue to pray for every reader—including you—for years to come. But the greatest encouragement you could possibly receive is knowing that, at all times, Jesus is “[making] intercession for [you]” (Romans 8:34). You can be sure that His intercession includes your marriage because it is a depiction to the world of His own relationship with His bride. Nobody wants your marriage to reflect the beauty of that divine relationship more than Jesus Himself. And by the power of the gospel at work in your life, you can follow the guide in Scripture that enables you to experience a healthy, joyful, Christ-centered relationship. (109-110)
Like the rest of the book, Scott squarely places our hope not in ourselves, our own efforts, or in him, but in God and his promises alone. That's what we need as we navigate real life in the midst of our marriages.
Your Marriage God's Way: Solid, Biblical Hope For Your Marriage
If you're married, or preparing for it, Your Marriage God's Way will help you lay a solid, biblical foundation for everything you need to know.
Again, it also comes with an excellent workbook to help you live it out in the everyday moments of your own relationship.
I hope you'll consider picking up both the book and workbook today, and that your marriage will benefit richly as a result.
Bryan,
Thank you for reading and reviewing, and doing a giveaway with Your Marriage God’s Way!
I am praying God uses the book and workbook to strengthen marriages and exalt Christ.
If anyone reads this review and has any questions or I can pray for you in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me through the contact page on my website: https://www.scottlapierre.org/contact/.
In Christ,
Scott LaPierre