As Christians, we know two things. First, God’s word gives us everything we need for eternal life, and living in a way that pleases him. (2 Timothy 3:15-17) And second, that our lives are often a mess. (No scripture reference necessary!)
In some ways, life is about bridging the chasm between the insight of God’s eternal word, written thousands of years ago, and the moment in front of us. The one filled with delays, annoying bosses, COVID, anger, and struggles in our closest relationships.
We’ve all had the experience of knowing – in theory – the bible holds out real hope for our situation, yet had absolutely no idea how we’re going to get from ‘stuck’ to ‘hope’. Especially in the area of our closest relationships.
Before reading on, I’d like you to think of some significant struggle you’re having with your boy/girlfriend, fianc(e)e or spouse. That shouldn’t take too long. 😉
Got something in mind? Okay, great.
While I can’t give you an easy answer for your situation in the space of a blog post (or book), I can share a simple framework that will get you started so you come away encouraged, and increasingly ready to face other struggles that are sure to come.
(Credit to David Powlison of CCEF for the framework, which he shares in his article ‘Think Globally, Act Locally.’ FYI, the article costs $5 but is well worth it in my opinion.)
Let’s begin with a case study.
Case Study: Mike & Jenna
If you met Mike and Jenna, you’d like them, just like all their neighbors do.
Mike is an outgoing project manager at a biotech firm. He thrives under high pressure, and always seems to find a way to help his team get things done on time. It’s only a matter of time before he gets another big promotion.
Jenna is a bright internal medicine physician at a local hospital. She’s gifted at figuring out what’s happening with even the most challenging patients, and was recently asked to join the ethics committee.
They’re active in their local church, faithfully attend a small group (when Jenna’s schedule allows), and recently moved into a beautiful new home. Everything seems to be going well.
But that’s not the whole story. While the first year or two of their marriage went well, lately they’ve been feeling disconnected. As they’ve experienced success in their careers, Mike and Jenna have been rewarded with more responsibility, financial rewards and much longer hours. By the time they get home, it feels like there’s no energy left for each other.
Increasingly, Jenna is becoming annoyed with Mike. While she respects him for his accomplishments at work, at home Mike is more and more self-focused. After dinner he usually binge-watches a few shows on Netflix, has a couple of beers, and says a quick ‘good night’ before collapsing into bed. On the weekends, he often finds time to play a round of golf with his friends, but Jenna feels like she’s dropped off of his radar entirely. He forgot their anniversary last week, and although he apologized, Jenna feels like his heart wasn’t fully in it.
Mike isn’t thrilled with Jenna, either. It feels like she’s always criticizing him, which reminds him of the way his mom used to treat him. Although he fully supports Jenna’s career, he can’t understand why she keeps taking on additional responsibilities at work that seem to leave her overextended and grouchy. Lately, she seems emotionally unavailable and distant, even when Mike lets his guard down. He can’t help but notice that, when he lets her know he’d like to be physically intimate, something always seems to get in the way.
Finally, after barely seeing each other for a week, they both arrived home from work exhausted and had a huge, blowout fight. After saying some things they’d later regret, they stormed off and slept in separate bedrooms. While they ‘know’ that God can help them, it sure doesn’t feel like it right now.
How Would You Help?
If you were good friends with Mike and Jenna, how would you try to help them? Take a minute or two and give it some thought. In trying to help them, you’ll begin (continue) to learn how to help yourself.
Next week, we’ll continue this series with the first part of a simple framework that can help you sort out, and make progress in, your own relational struggles.