Welcome back, everyone. We’re in the middle of a series where we’re talking about encouraging real change in our lives and relationships.
Last time, I asked you to choose one struggle specific to you and your relationship with your boy/girlfriend, fiance(e) or spouse. (If you’re single, choose someone you’re close with. The process we’re looking at will work with any relationship!)
Then, we looked at a case study from Mike and Jenna’s lives. I asked you to think about how you would give them help and hope. As we progress through this series, we’ll return to the example from your own life, and see what specific change would look like there. The insights we gain from Mike and Jenna will help you with your life, so hang in there. (Besides, it’s more fun to troubleshoot someone else’s life, isn’t it? 😂
How Would You Help Mike & Jenna?
I wonder what you came up with to help Mike and Jenna. (See last week’s post for the intro and case study. You may want to keep that open, or print it, as you go through this post.) The truth is, there isn’t one ‘right answer’ or correct place to start. Right now, their lives – often like ours – are a tangled mess.
The good news is that the messiness of our lives means there are many legitimate places to begin! Several ways we can bring the hope of God’s word to our toughest, it-feels-like-this-will-never-get-better problems.
Whenever we are facing a complex problem, situation or theme in our lives, we can start with this simple framework.
First, choose one, specific bit of your life.
Because we’re finite beings, we can’t handle (let alone see) every part of our problem at once. That becomes overwhelming, and we tend to shut down and lose hope.
So, we need to choose one slice of our situation, and start there.
Ideally, we should start with something that:
- is relatively simple and straightforward – so we can identify what’s happening, and work on it
- occurs frequently – there will be many opportunities to practice trusting God, and doing the hard work of change; we might choose something that occurs daily or weekly, instead of something that happened just once
- motivates us – choosing something that matters to us (and/or our boy/friend, fiance(e) or spouse) will more likely motivate us to do the hard work of change, and therefore lead to progress we can build on
- will send ripple effects throughout the rest of our lives – ideally, we’ll start with a theme where, if we make progress, will lead to progress in other areas, too
Back To Mike & Jenna
Okay, given the four criteria above, what part of Mike and Jenna’s life would you choose to start working on first?
Again, this isn’t the only ‘right’ place to begin, but here’s what I would do. I’d start with helping them process the way they interact (or don’t, actually) after they get home from work at night. Here’s why.
- it’s relatively simple and straightforward – the way they interact is pretty straightforward, and therefore easier to dissect. Mike watches TV and checks out by drinking. Jenna is generally absorbed in her work. They’re not connecting.
- it occurs frequently – it happens at least every weekday, and often on the weekends.
- it motivates us – you wouldn’t guess it based on their parallel lives, but underneath the disconnect Mike and Jenna want to reconnect and rediscover the connection they had while they were dating, and when they were first married.
- will send ripple effects throughout the rest of our lives – If Mike and Jenna learn to face their fears about connecting, and begin to build boundaries around their work, their marriage will grow much stronger, they’ll be far less exhausted, and the happiness and connection they experience will spill over into the rest of their lives.
Of course, I’d ask them to buy in, too, but I’m pretty sure they’d want to begin in the same place.
What did you come up with for them? Like I said, there’s no one right answer.
Next Time
Next time, we’ll move to the second (and final) part of our framework for encouraging real change and transformation in our relationships. Then, in the final weeks, we’ll apply the framework to the challenge in your relationship you identified last week. I think you’ll come away encouraged!